Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
