her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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