He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
