There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
