i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
