FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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