Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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