bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
