We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
