I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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