Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
