i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
