pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sex in a hospital.. check
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
