How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
