worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
