Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
