One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
