I heard we made out
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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