I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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