I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
