i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
