69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
