I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
