Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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