I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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