my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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