And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
