The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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