i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
