its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
