when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
