How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
