perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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