Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
