I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
