before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
