Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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