who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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