I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
