There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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