Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
