White coat. Heels.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
