Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
