i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
