went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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