I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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