You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
