My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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