Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
