my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
