areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
