Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
