I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
